Today, I failed at a something I poured my time and energy into. I worked on it as much as I could and it just didn’t make it to success. I admit I cried a bit from my rage, as it was a feeling of rage meshed with a feeling of self doubt. I couldn’t help but ask myself, could I have possibly done anything differently? Could I have worked harder than I did? But, I more fearfully asked myself if this is going to be the start of a string of failures that I will endure one after the other?
In my desperate attempts to remove the feeling of “yuk” from the pit of my stomach, I even made the effort to read an article on how to deal with failure. The article said all the right things. It said that “We should try to learn from the experience” and this is what I’m trying to do.
In all honesty, while I was working on this quest someone did try to advise me to do things differently. But, my ego got the better of me and I didn’t listen. This is what kills me but this is also the very detail that is liberating about this failure.
This mishap on my part hurts because I realize that had I listened I wouldn’t have failed, but it is also liberating and calming because it means that failure could be avoided. This detail confirms that we are not victims and things dont just happen to us. So, my first lesson from this is to stamp on my ego in the future and to simply listen to other people. I simply don’t kn0ow everything.
I read somewhere that the road to success is paved with failure, and that people who don’t work don’t fail. I hope this is true because I work a lot and really can’t deal with constantly failing, or at least this is the feeling I have now.
I sometimes wish that the thing I failed in was more straight forward where there is a right and wrong. But, unfortunately I got the harsh side of being creative, and I failed due to an opinion. I did consider in my moment of weakness to look into a different path, but the sad thing is I can’t because I actually am who I am and this is what I do.
I guess everything in life has its ups and downs.
The article I read also said that I should vent, and here I am venting to anyone who would listen.
I’m not a victim, I am just angry at myself. Now I want to make a plan to make myself better, I hope I feel better soon. The good thing is that I know myself,. I know that I usually snap out of things soon enough without going too destructive.
Tomorrow is a new day.