I haven’t been writing for almost a week and that was due to two reasons one of which was beyond my control while the other was of my own creation. You see, I was hit with a flu that till this day won’t go away but I was also hit with a heavier wave of self doubt.
At some point last week I started wondering why I write? I kept asking myself if anyone is actually reading my posts? That annoying whiney voice in my head, the one I want to strangle at times, kept imploring me to pose the inevitable question of whether or not I am saying something relevant through the words I write, or am I simply one of those writers who subjects their readers to a slew of pointless babble?
On the one hand, I did feel that something was missing in my life when I spent the last week away from my blog. In fact, I missed the ritual of sitting at my keyboard , rattling my brains for something to say. Maybe this was the motivation to wake up early this morning and to try to write again. Missing it must mean that it is important to me.
I guess I have been making the same mistake many others make. At some point I became too focused on whether or not I was achieving results, as opposed to the joy of writing itself. I was too focused on the number of likes I get on my page, the number of followers for my blog, and the number of comments I received when in reality writing shouldn’t be about that at all.
I was trying to write something relevant to my readers more so than trying to write something relevant to me. I realize now that I have made an error of judgment in doing so. After all, if the writing is relevant to its author then it will find its way to readers who will believe it is relevant to them too. I was also too worried about failing, when in fact failing is fine.
But don’t we all hold the same worry? After all we come from a society where we are instructed not to fail and not to take risks. We are told to stay away from reckless decisions, un-calculated choices, and to ignore our gut feelings. so that most of us end up spending our lives not failing while also not trying.
But what is failing? Failing is simply the signature of one’s efforts to dare to try something new. It is the stamp of the efforts made to advance and find ways to improve. So, if I fail as a writer it will only mean that I need to find ways to improve my writing. If some people won’t like what I write they will simply be the people who don’t read my work, but then again in a world of seven billion people there must be someone who will. The issues that are relevant to me must be relevant to someone else too.
So, today I decided today to push away my fit of self doubt. I decided to go back to my #100_days_ of_ blogging challenge. Only this time I will make it 142 days of blogging because I failed to meet my first goal and I am starting over.