In our competitive nature, we fight hard for the things we have gained in life, and this is only because we equate our success with our tangible achievements. Therefore, we will do everything in our power to maintain our leading status, and within our society, this status is measured by the job we have, the organization we work for, the job title, the salary, our relationship status and the house we live in. When we are so conditioned to want success, then we will fight till the bitter end to maintain this status in the eyes of the world .But, in the middle of it all we forget to ask ourselves if we are realty fighting to hold on to what we want or if we are just fighting so that we don’t fail?
If a person’s job security is threatened it is in his or her human nature to fight for it. However, in the middle of the fight this person would forget to ask if this is a job worth fighting for. He or she would only be worried about keeping the job, even if losing it means putting an end to a job attachment that was not a right fit to begin with. This person will say that money is the true motivator, but in reality he or she is only motivated by the fear of failure. The same is true of relationships. In our society someone in a relationship is perceived as being more in line with society’s expectations then someone who is single. A married couple have fulfilled the social duty bestowed upon them more so than their single counterparts and similarly a divorced person is seen to be less of an achiever then his or her married relatives.
So, when our social success is directly related to whether or not we are part of a couple, chances are that any two people stuck in a bad marriage will fight to keep that marriage going regardless of whether or not it is healthy. In the middle of the fights, both parts of the couple forget to ask themselves if it is love that is holding them together or if it is again the fear of failing in the eyes of society. They will say that the kids are the true motivator, while forgetting that the kids will still survive if they are not together. The truth is that they too are just afraid to fail.
Students study hard for the Tawjhi (The standard Jordanian Secondary School Examination). They do that in order to get into medical school or engineering school, or any other school viewed as prestigious in the eyes of society,. However, they forget to ask themselves if they really want to be doctors or engineers. Some do but others are putting in the extra effort just to appear successful in the eyes of their family. An engineer who was never passionate about engineering, may spend his life advancing his career . He may realize at some point that he didn’t want it in the first place. But, following the realization, he might still push forward , not for the love of the job but the fear of r failing. He would fight for promotions and higher offers, only to retire at the age of 60 while realizing that it is now too late for him to chaise a real dream. After all, he was too busy being an engineer.
We all fight for the things we have gained in life, but the question is did we want those things in the first place? Is everything we have gained really worth fighting for? Are we fighting because we love those things, or are we fighting because we are afraid to fail?
In the latter case, maybe losing the fight is the biggest win one can celebrate because letting go of something you didn’t want may open up the chance for new and better pursuits. When caught in the battles for success, maybe it is best to pause for a few seconds . Because at that point the big question we need to ask ourselves is this, are we fighting because we want it or are we fighting because we don’t want to fail?
Food for thought.