I heard once that people come into our lives for two reasons. They either come to lift us up or they come to mirror a trait in us that we really need to change.

Those who lift us up come with sound advice, a skill to teach us, fond memories to build with us , or a window on new possibilities. They come into our lives and change it for the beater.

However, the second group of people come with a trait that is not so flattering, but in reality they are mirroring something in us that we so badly need to alter. They may even hurt us but in their hurt comes a great lesson. I only started to believe that after it happened to me.

You see, for the longest time, I used to bring into my life people who complained about their bad luck . At the time, that worked out fine because I too used complain about my bad luck. We used to complain about it together so it never seemed like a problem. Then, those people left the country. So, I did not find any audience to complain to. In fact, most of the people I met, at that point, did not complain. So, they found me annoying.  They even stopped talking to me because I brought more negativity to their outings then they cared for.

it was then that I decided to look at my own behavior.  Month by month, I started complaining less. I started to see that things don’t just happen to me. I made the choice to do new things in my life and I made a conscious effort to knock off the negativity and to try to see possibilities instead. Without even realizing it, I evolved from complaining less to not complaining at all, because I really started to believe that it is pointless to be so bleak.

However, part of me was still really upset from people who called me negative . Then, something very interesting happened. A new  group of people came into my life by chance. We became friends, and these people were very nice but they were also  heavy complainers. Throughout every outing we had together they spoke about a dark life where everything bad was happening to them. Their conversations revolved around a world that didn’t understand them. They spoke about their bad luck, their lack of trust in people, and their bad fortune. Every time we spoke, the conversation  turned into a critique about society and our mutual friends. Each time I went home from such outings I felt tired and drained.  I tolerated this friendship for many months  then I told them honestly  to stop talking to me . I still think they are nice people, but I felt  that their negativity was more than I can deal with. I made a good case for myself. I gave reasons why I needed them out of my life, but then in the middle of that particular conversation I got a very disturbing flashback.

I realized that these people were behaving the exact same way I used to behave a few months ago and they were just as difficult to deal with as I must have been. I saw a reflection of myself  in their actions and with this nasty realization all the pieces of my puzzle came into place. I understood why I drove friends away in the past and I understood  exactly what I had done to fuel arguments with people I actually liked.

All my questions were answered and I instantly stopped feeling any anger towards anyone who may have called me negative months or years ago because I was  and I deserved it. Like the people i had annoyed,  I too was driven away from a group’s negativity. For once I felt peace because I understood why these people showed up in my life, why certain people left my life, and what sort of people I should attract in my life.

Some people do act like mirrors, they simply let us see   ourselves.


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