I am often accused of being blunt, forward, and not diplomatic. But, honestly speaking that isn’t true. You see I like saying things to people’s faces and not behind their backs because to me saying something to the person and not all their friends is far more respectable. So, if someone bothered me the person involved will know about it. They will also know what bothered me and why, and they will be asked to give me an explanation. On the one hand, that doesn’t exactly make me the most tactful of people but on the other hand it leaves no gray areas.
I speak my mind simply to avoid making people think too much about how I feel in or about a certain situation. This can also be called verbal diarrhea. But, isn’t a bad response better than no response or a response made behind a person’s back?
I would argue that having the world know how you feel is far better than making people guess about it. Because I learned that our actions will merit reactions in all cases, so it is just better if such reactions were based on things we actually said and did put in the right context rather than speculation.
See, people will speculate, they will discuss our actions and reactions, and they will form an opinion about them and even about us, whether we like it or not. The funny thing is that they will discuss their speculations with anyone and everyone but the person directly involved. The listeners will also form opinions and give advice based on that speculation, only for the person involved to find out from a seventh party that a person is upset from something they said or did five months ago.
It is in our nature to prefer to build a story in our head and act on it rather than just ask the people involved to clarify any ambiguity, because as one of my mentees in a toastmasters speech put it “we are creatures of emotion.” Her speech was about the importance of giving compliments, but this phrase also holds true here.
As creatures of emotion, we have been conditioned for so long to avoid the ugly confrontation, the unpleasant apology, the question we hate asking, and instead we prefer to go by what we feel. When our egos are at stake we would do anything to save that ego even if that involves misjudging or misunderstanding a situation.
The other day, a friend told me that she was worried that one of her friends was upset with her. so I simply asked her “Did she say she was upset?” She replied “No” So, then I asked her “Do you feel you want to ask her if she is upset?” She replied “No” So, I replied, “Then don’t assume she is upset, either you ask and get it out of the way or either you ignore this assumption and behave normally, ”
We would be invited to dinner at a person’s house and we would be wondering if that person is bothered by inviting us. In such a situation I always say well it is one of two things, either the person genuinely wants to have us over for dinner or they are putting on a show. In all cases we should go, because it serves them right to put on a show if that were the case, let them be stuck cooking for us.
We would walk in a room and say hi, and it will only take one person answering us not so enthusiastically to shock our self-esteem. This person would have the power to make part of us wonder what upset them from us. We might not even consider that in reality we could just ask and find out. Most of the time it isn’t even us, the person could be upset from something else. But, as creatures of emotion, we tend be a bit self centered.
We could even believe that every reaction is directed towards us, is about us, or is made in response to something we did. We all forget that astronomy class, where the teacher taught us that the universe revolves around the sun and not around us.
But, we are creatures of emotions who avoid feeling bad , so we avoid when in avoiding we hurt ourselves more with our thoughts. As creatures of emotion, we prefer not talking if not talking means not having that unpleasant conversation. We prefer living in loneliness then expressing our feelings. We can even prefer having no reaction then having the bad reaction.
As creatures of emotion our biggest fear is being hurt.
But, isn’t being hurt far better than being angry, mistaken, confused, or even misinformed? Isn’t being hurt far better than living with anger over an issue that could be resolved in an unpleasant conversation.
What do you think?