Today, I went to do what most girls do on a Friday, i.e. the customary image upkeep. We don’t need to lie about it, we all know that we don’t wake up in the morning with nice nails, nice hair, and we can all agree that sometimes us working girls are just too lazy to do these things ourselves at home. So, yes I went to get my nails done and while I was doing that, I was shocked to hear the story of another lady, who was openly telling a group of women how her husband cheated on her with her best friend.
She had just recently found out about the affair, and my first thoughts were that she was a powerful woman to be out and ready to talk to the world after such awful news. Then, while pretending to mind my own business I kept listening to the conversation, as I was really interested to know how she dealt with the news.
She told the ladies that she fought with her friend, and she also threw a bunch of insults about the woman who her husband cheated on her with. What interested me the most was that everyone in the room spoke negatively about the friend. Granted the friend did deserve every terrible thing said about her for even considering getting involved with a married man, I still found it strange that neither the woman nor the group of sympathetic ladies ever said anything about the husband himself. Isn’t that always the case in our society, aren’t cheating women always called home wreckers and the men called victims submissive to the women’s allure?
I couldn’t help but wonder why it is the women in society, literature, and movies who are portrayed as being the more promiscuous gender, when in reality it often takes two to tango. It takes two to cheat. In reality, no one can force another human being to cheat against his/her free will. I asked this question openly, and I was told that “Men are governed by desires”. I stopped the conversation there and then, because biologically speaking we as humans were all governed by desires , but that was back in the stone age. Now, as civilized human beings, living in a modern society, there is the issue of ethics, and call me old fashioned but in clear cut terms it is not ok for a man or woman to cheat. It is ok for them to leave their partner if they are not happy and only then can they do whatever the hell they want.
Another woman asked her “What will you do?”, she replied “He will come back eventually”, and hearing these words I was dying to ask her,” and what ? You are just going to wait until he comes to his senses and he remembers he has a wife?” I wondered when women became so submissive. Isn’t it true that if the situation was reversed and the man found out that his wife was cheating with his friend , he would send her home to her family and worse yet her family will punish her for cheating.
But it is funny how this weekend seems to be all about cheating and fidelity for me. Just the day before, a lady read me a poem by Nizar Qabani titled “Between Loves” and that poem answers exactly why we seem to think men are powerless when they cheat. The subject matter of the poem was how “romantic” Nizar Qabani couldn’t forget about a woman he loved and how although he meets other women, and he even sleeps with them, he still remembers her and he still loves her (Attached) . She read the long poem and then she looked at me after she finished it and asked “Isn’t it romantic”
I rest my case, if this subject romantic , then this is exactly why men cheat and society finds them blameless, and this is also why women cheat and they are instantly labeled as home wreckers. The truth was that I didn’t find the poem romantic at all. In fact I was annoyed at the prospect of her finding it so romantic. I said “I hated it”, and she said “Why?” in shock, as if I had committed the sin of not melting over Nizar Qabani’s words.
I said “He is cheating !”. She replied “He can’t be with her and he remembers her it’s sad.”. I said “It’s still cheating. He is openly saying that every woman he is with he is not really with because he is busy thinking about the woman he can’t forget.” she said again “But he can’t be with her.” I said “He should deal with it first, get over it, and then meet other woman, because he is openly saying that these other women are not good enough and he just remembers her. He is emotionally cheating !” She replied “I understand how he feels”, I said “I do too, but he is cheating !” I wondered if people will be melting in sympathy if a woman writes some poem about how she can’t forget the love of her life, and how she meets other men but yet she compares them all to him. I don’t think so, because in this society, people seem to think men are free to love and women have to just wait to be loved. The notion of “Deal with your emotional baggage first and then make promises to other human beings” seems to be a dyeing concept.
The truth is that emotional baggage and cheating are ideas only made ok by people who call Nizar romantic for writing a poem about his emotional cheating, and a society that says love has nothing to do with relationships. The only reason why the woman I saw today is waiting for her husband to come back “eventually” is because she was not hurt enough, and she was not hurt enough to leave because she was probably never in love with her husband to begin with. After all, she had the strength to come and do her nails shortly after the incident.
So, in a nutshell it isn’t ok to cheat, it is stupid to sit and wait for someone who cheated to eventually come back, and emotional baggage is emotional baggage that leads to emotional cheating. Nizar is not romantic in the poem attached. Although he might be romantic in other poems he writes, in this poem he is cheating, and the woman I saw is simply deluded for thinking her husband will come back and miraculously change. Let’s get out of lala land, and let’s call things what they really are.
To hear the nut-romantic poem go to this link